This meeting with you, has showed me love’s another face,
that its intoxicating feeling never gets faded.
No matter how far we remain and how seldom we talk,
the feeling deep inside always remains alive, although quite.
Just an hour with you was enough to wake it up again
as it spoke to me, “You are in love with her, you insane.

And from then on I never cried !

‘My Name Is Khan’, quite a few publicity stints were done for this movie. SRK and KJo promoted the film pretty well. I went to see this movie with a crate full of expectations but I really came home a bit disappointed. While many of our beloved reviewers have eulogized this movie, I don’t feel strange to swim against the current.

The movie has a very promising start. The concept too is very good. A guy (Khan), unfortunately struck with Asperger’s syndrome, starts off on a journey to meet the Prez of US so that he can convey to him that just coz he is a ‘Khan’ doesn’t mean that he is a terrorist. That’s the central plot of the movie. It’s a rather long journey wherein he starts off by missing his flight, running short of money, being helped by people in a small village in Georgia & helping them in return during a hurricane, going to jail, et al.

The story plays in flashback mode, wherein the love story of SRK and Kajol is shown, which is indeed very pleasant to watch. The plus points of the movie are the part wherein Khan’s childhood is portrayed. Zarina Wahab was very promising as SRK’s mother. SRK was indeed very good as an autistic individual. He neither overplayed nor underplayed his part, maintaining a perfect balance. Kajol too has put in a decent effort playing Mandira, Khan’s wife. None of the characters, apart from these 3, is strong. Jimmy Shergill and his wife, played by Sonya Jehan, were not at their best.

There also were moments where in I managed to smile over a joke or shed a tear or two. Kajol managed to make me cry. And there is a scene at a church in Georgia wherein the natives sing their version of our ‘Hum Honge Kamayaab’, which also made me emotional. Not many such intense moments were found in the movie.

All in all, I would say MNIK is a product of good strategic publicity, decent direction, a good plot (of course some part of it is taken from a foreign movie, as told to me by a friend) and good lead actors. It’s a decent watch to please your senses, if not a must-watch.

I would have loved to be anyone else at that moment, I mean LITERALLY anyone! I often feel not dealing with a situation, is the best way to DEAL with it. But the sensible person who used to exist inside me, (who now rarely peeps out) asked me boldly, ” REALLY? YOU MEAN FOR ALL THE SITUATIONS? IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE ALREADY DEALT WITH IT IN THE BEST WAY, YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY BY NOW, BUT WHY THE HELL ARE YOU UNHAPPY?!” .I cursed once again, why consciousness puts forth such thought provoking questions at all the wrong times and only when I have just made the decision to not deal with things!

Though I argued that fantasy can improve my imagination skills and it’s good for the active working of my brain and does not involve lousy emotional feelings, it all proved to be fatal! After a lot of arguments and useless question – answer sessions, I agreed to the dominating devil inside me, that I know I must live in reality and not in fantasy.

Once the confessions were done and over, I now thought of the dominating devil as a friend, and intended to prolong the conversation and asked , “well, now tell me how do I deal with it?” … there was no reply … I repeated my question… still nothing… I knocked my insides…. Twice… all I could hear was just a hollow sound!

I lighten up the place with silly jokes and crappy talk that people enjoy but still feel sorry to be seen as a full charged and energetic person because i am not….hate to be seen as someone who i am not but still like to expose a few aspects of what i would have liked to be…

I strongly believe in the quote” don’t wish for something too hard because you may never know ,it might happen someday and u really might not be happy”…i love dreaming about the most stupid ,unrealistic thing on earth even when i realize its nature..and brood over it later for trying so hard even when i knew it shall never happen..on the contrary ,if such a thing by luck( which basically never hits my side) ..happens i again brood realizing it is not what i wanted…

Acts in the way the heart asks me to and later blame it for mis happenings.i love and dream of a particular goal all through the life only to end up in a totally different place achieving something else which really did not bother to me much till that moment…but later start realizing that …what i am achieving is all that i wanted all through my life..traditional at heart but have a modern outlook towards life…which is very contradictory ….

Gets excited when people say i have a particular quality to achieve something and later gets depressed when i analyze and understand that people do not really know the two sides of me and my capabilities…which is rotten at times….the only thing that keeps me and my life running is “MUSIC”…its the only thing i can decide and listen to in the shortest span of time…

My mom who was a bit relived that i would not be coming back home for the next one hour was lazily chatting with the house maid,she was startled to see me an hour early and all hungry and on the verge of tears..she started to quicken the process of cooking…after what seem like just a few seconds..she was in my room with food all ready…still my mood did not change…i grabbed the plate and started attacking the food..

When my stomach stopped growling and was nearly half filled, a thought struck me.. have i ever been able to control my hunger? have i ever been able to control my temper when my stomach starts throwing tantrums..Then how do people in Africa,supposedly to be the most poverty stricken country bear all this?how do they continue to live when they are denied the most basic amenities of life like food, water, and shelter.. how much they would long to get what i have now…i mean even at least the half of it…

All of a sudden guilt overwhelmed me, i put my plate aside and washed hands.at that moment i thanked God for giving me wonderful parents, a beautiful home, and almost everything a person would wish for..

I prayed for those deprived people and promised i would do everything i can in future for the cause of such people and try to make their life a little easier..

As these thoughts were still running in my head,my mom popped in and said “have u finished eating!!!you had very little, you would be hungry later”, i smiled and thought “i probably had much more than i should have had”..

Rajiv stared at his writing pad which was coolly resting on his table…I got to write..Come on Rajiv..Log apne pyar ke liye kya kuch nahi karte ???? Cant you write one love letter ??? He took the pen and tried to , but he didnt know how to start , what to write , to be honest or weave flattery words …All he knew was he loved her very deeply and that today , being Valentines Day , he wanted to communicate all his feelings for her in that letter , which he knew , was the most difficult task in the world.. When not even a word left its impression on the paper after scratching his head for a long time , Rajiv took his wallet and smilingly saw her photo…He closed his eyes for ten minutes and then confidently took his favourite pen , ready to do the impossible task …

Hi Sweetheart….

You are surprised na that I am writing a letter to you ???Its quite stupid , I know , as no man has ever tried , and will never do this , yet , I am going to ..Its weird , I know , but you have to tolerate , as I am going to sound weird in this whole letter…

Sorry , I dont remember the date of our first meeting , as I was too young to note this important date….I just remember that I saw you with dad when he closely held you in his hands …It was he , who introduced me to you and  for that , I shall always be grateful to him ….Frankly , though you were always there beside me during my growing years , I never cared about you ..I was happy in my own world because I gave priority to other stupid stuffs..Little did I know that it will be you , who is going to be my love , my life partner - whom I am going to spend the rest of my life with… 

I remember those times , when as a kid I would give you cold stares , yet you wouldnt say anything , but in turn would lovingly gaze at me , making me angry all the more …I used to  run  at the sight of you , unaware that in future I would be running behind you like a crazy , just to prove my love to you…

It was during my teenage that you started to take a step back …As a loner , I would yearn for some company , as depression haunted me ..And then one day , when you  accidently accompanied me , I had lot of fun …So I started to be in your company , as with you nearby ,  boredom would fly away..I am sorry to say this but I have to admit that I used you ..Yes dear, I used you at that time ….I became centre of attraction in no time , because of you..My companions looked at me in envy , as you were beside me ..They used to flock near me with thousand reasons , but in reality , it was you who drew their attention towards me ..

As days passed on , you became an inevitable part of me…Whereever I went , I always wanted you to accompany me …Your company was all I loved , as with you , I felt I could even touch the sky…Remember those college days , those gossips in canteen , those long drives , ah..how I wish those days come back !!!! If only they could , for that was the most golden period of my life ..as I was with you almost all time , having fun , partying , etc…But golden momenst neevr return ..Right ???

I was getting addicted to you as days went by ..day and night I needed you ..You came in my dreams and carried me to another world altogether…It was , to fulfill these dreams , that made me to look for a job and stand on my own feet…I still remember that how I cried at nights  those times , as I didnt get any job and you also werent nearby , as you said that you will return only when I get a good job…

Since my feelings were true for you , I did get a job and you returned back in my life !!! And then life was all on top , with you my beside !!! I fought with every challenge , took every obstcale as roadblock to success , as I knew I have nothing to be afraid of , as you were with me …

So many girls proposed me seeing my dedication and success rate , yet I refused all politely because I loved only you …Few of them , who came to know that I madly loved you , laughed at me , calling me mad ..But I was ready to hear anything , and in a sense , they said true , as I was in love with you madly !!!

It was during recesion time , that you started to maintain some distance with me ..I dont know what happened suddenly , I couldnt understand why you behaved strangely ..I tried eevrything , did what all I could , to get back you – our old ‘love’ly days , but God was cruel to me this time …I lost my job …I came home dejected , with the only consolations that atleast you will be with me , but as days passed on , when hardship started to show its cruel face, you left me all of a sudden ….My heart broke …I thought to die without you , as the parting was too painful to bear ….I wanted you back , at any cost , by doing anything ..yet I couldnt succeed…

Life lost its meaning without you …I lived but inside I was dead ..Past memories ,  the fun we had , the times we spent together , only added to my miseries..I missed you terribly , yet I couldnt tell anyone about it ..Months passed without you , and it seemed that it became a routine to live a life without you , suffering inside , every moment…

And then , one day , the unexpected thing happened ….you came back in my life !!! I cant tell you sweetheart how much I was happy !!! I felt like the most blessed man in the world , I felt as if I  got my life back !!!! And the rest , you know..

Today , being the Valentine’s Day , I just wanna confess to you that you are the love of my life …I know you are a pearl in the eyes of thousands , many souls yearn for your company , yet dear , no one can and no one will love you as much deeply as I do..Will you be the love of my life ????

                                                                                                                                                                                       Ever Yours,

                                                                                                                                                                                       Rajiv….

Rajiv was happy…at last he wrote a love letter !!! He read it again and again ..He was so engrossed in reading that he didnt notice , Ajay – his room-mate was standing behind him , reading this letter…As soon as Ajay finished reading , he was curious to know the lucky one , for whom Rajiv  wrote it so passionately ..He stealthily took Rajiv’s wallet , to see the photo of his love  ..What he saw , left him dumbstruck !!! (scroll down to see the photo )

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 Yeah !!! It was “money’ that Rajiv loved so much !!!!

P.S: Just a fictional attempt to write what many men love and run after – money !!!! Comments and criticisms welcome

My thoughts went through the same few questions which i keep asking myself as to “why such a thing happened”, “why did this not happen”,”what would have happened if things have gone in a particular way”,etc ..the answer to which i knew did not exist..even though my mind tells me ”it had to happen that way so it did”, my heart still keeps searching for answers.. thats when i understood that “The logic of the heart is absurd.”..

People around me are talking,i can hear the sounds of the waves as we are near the beach,but my heart and thoughts are alien to whatever is happening around me..questions,wondering ’s,anger,possibilities,what if – thoughts, keeps going in my head in a vicious circle.

Something cold and smoothing touched my feet,i looked down and realized that we have finally reached the sea after what seemed like an eternity,and it was the cold waves which was caressing me.

For the first time ,i looked up and saw what was happening around me. still my sister and her friend and their blah blah was invisible.. what caught my eye amazed me,made me stand still and wonder if anything else could be much more beautiful,made me forget all the emotional trauma i was going through,and put me in a confusion as to where i was and with whom,it was nothing else but the full yellow moon showcasing its beauty on the even more beautiful sea.. the reflection on the sea water was so perfect and so full of compassion.

The sight gave me immense joy,a huge ray of hope,a feeling which rightly cannot be put in words.That moment something inside my heart said

“Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known,so just wait and watch.”

i was so jubilant as if i have attained everlasting peace and actually forgetting the fact that only few seconds ago i was grumbling in frustration.

At that precise moment the words of “Christian Nestell Bovee”-popped to my mind which goes like..

“When all else is lost, the future still remains.”

Thanks to my companions who left me totally undisturbed and letting me enjoy those few minutes which made a difference in the way i see things in life.after few murmurings from my sister about its time to go back, i rose to leave,and made a deal with God nature that ” i would come back again on few occasions with such pessimistic, never ending vicious circle of crappy thoughts,but i expect the same kind of gratifying experience i had today,as if nodding in agreement, a cool breeze blow my way taking away the last few wrinkled lines off my forehead ..

The sun rising slowly bestowing its beauty and blessing on the earth and wind showering us with a gentle breeze…birds chirping being the first sweet sound of the day….and trees rustling warmly welcoming the new day…how amazing is all this?? how many of us truly enjoy this ,which is the most precious moment of the day… at least i don’t…for which i regret a lot..

Its a curse i have been born with to go late to bed and wake up when its almost midday… insomnia at nights is one reason , the other is due to the place i live in, where sun light is a rare phenomena..so i cant blame myself totally..lol….but during those rare occasions when i get up early.. i would be totally awestruck…. promising myself to enjoy the same thing next morning…but it happens again only after few years ….

One thing i have noticed is that …getting up early and spending some time with the nature is a awesome way to collect your thoughts, calm yourself, to think about all the complex philosophies of life which otherwise you would have never bothered to spare time too, to reset your energy level and refocus again on the goals you have set long ago and which you have forgotten about…….Its the best time to make decisions and think about the people you love the most….

Sometimes even nights cant be as romantic as early mornings..now now i understand what you guys are thinking…i know am not talking out of experience or whatever…its all something i wish i would enjoy everyday..

I often say to myself that ” i am missing too many beautiful moments in life”..But am sure the warmth of sun’s rays , a cup of hot steaming coffee and a extra dash good music would set you in the right mood to have a totally great and energetic day….